Life, or something like it.

Dec 9 2009 no comments Gaming Life MMORPGs Personal

All right, since I’ve started this blog I’ve been trying to write about things that people would actually be interested in, otherwise, why the hell would it be on the internet? I would just write the thoughts down on a piece of paper and burn them and it would take up less space than most of my posts do.

But the thing about that is, sometimes I get at a loss as to what to talk about. I could go into more rants about everything I’ve talked about thus far, but I am trying to somewhat space out what I talk about so it doesn’t seem like a redundancy thing.

This leaves me with little to talk about half the time, and then I’m forced to reflect on my life and try to draw inspiration from that– only I don’t much have a life at the moment because things are so hectic and life has decided to kick my beau and I in the proverbial junk.

I haven’t been out of the house really in several, several months– I went out to eat once in October but before that it was like May– most of this is because of the fact that my eyes are completely messed up beyond repair in a way. I was so light sensitive that I couldn’t even look at the computer screen for two months (just about) in the summer, so I was not about to go outside. Now it’s down to just one eye, which isn’t so much light sensitive, but it’s super blurry and I tend to keep it closed because its been that way for so long.

The last couple of weeks I’ve been opening it and keeping it open for a few hours at a time (right now it’s closed because it’s kind of sensitive because I didn’t get much sleep) but it is getting better all in all, but they’re both still pretty blurry (with the left eye, the one I keep closed, being more blurry than the right). Where this whole rant is leading me is that I don’t like the idea of going out looking like a pirate, and even if I did my beau and I don’t really have anywhere we’d really go.

We live in the middle of the desert, (Yuma, Arizona, to be exact) and don’t have any friends out here, so most of our time is spent on games like World of Warcraft, or City of Heroes, or even Borderlands if the mood strikes us, and we’ve made amazing friends online — my best friend is an online friend and I’d die for him or kill for him, because he’s been there for me more than anyone else in my life in the past few years– but I wonder if that’s enough.

Do we need real world connections beyond our family, the tangible kind? Before I was here with him I would have probably said yes, and I’m still a bit iffy on affection as a reality, but was rather open with it online. I think perhaps it’s just safer to form an identity online (not to say that I ever lie about who and how I am, I am always amazingly open to the point that some people are like ‘TMI’. ) than it is to try and form a connection with someone you just met in a mall. You’re well aware of your interested and you know you at least share one interest with someone you met online at a forum you frequent, or a game you play.

I just wonder if this is the life of the future, to have such beautiful long distance contacts that transcend anything you ever had in reality, while still holding onto your family as that tangible link to what is really real. My friends are so important to me, but most of them are at least two hours away, so it doesn’t give me much option to visit them without a job and the ability to drive, at least.

It’s ironic how my thought process goes from thinking of interesting things to blog about to self-reflection in the form of a blog post. Go figure, the future at its finest.

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