I find more and more that I’m about as anti-mother as I can be. Not that I feel there’s anything wrong with someone else being a mother, but when the sound of a crying baby makes me want to claw my own eyes out, and I find myself getting cluster headaches more and more while around a crying baby… honestly I kind of just want to dig my uterus out with a spoon and say “Okay, I’m done, you can have this thing. I’m not going to need it.”
The amount of pain that comes with my period, and the fact that I’m pretty sure I don’t have a maternal bone in my body is also a deciding factor in all of this. I’m fine around other people’s kids sometimes, but that’s because I know that in the end they’re not my responsibility. It’s not laziness, either, it’s just a complete and utter lack of want to create a new life and take care of it. The world doesn’t need another me, and let’s be fair, I would be a miserable wench through the entire process.
At this point in life most women are deciding on having children, or if you look at popular fiction as a deciding factor, they’re not having children because of their awesome careers and choices and penis will fix everything, but that’s an entirely different rant… but I find it hard to think of my life as a place where I want to end up wanting children. I could seriously get all my ‘plumbing’ taken out and be peachy keen happy. I imagine I’d have less issues with my body, I wouldn’t be in bloody pain every month, and I wouldn’t feel the obligation to explain to anyone I get into a relationship that I have no desire to procreate – I can just say “Well, I don’t have the equipment.” and when they’re busy questioning that, I can slide in “I never wanted kids anyway.” Or at least that’s how I see it in my head.
Everyone expects a girl/woman to end up in that stage in life where they’re sobbing to themselves about how they don’t have a husband or a baby, and I just find myself lacking the desire to show that kind of emotion over something that doesn’t appeal to me. The idea of finding a happy love is appealing, but kids just aren’t a factor in that. I feel like there’s someone creeping around a corner ready to beat me to death with a diaper genie for my sacrilege against the ideas of motherhood.
I think mother’s are amazing, mine for instance is a hardcore, powerful woman with balls of steel and the ability to stand her own. She had a career as a very successful RN and raised us up with my dad’s help and that was fine – I would never say anything against that – but for me it just doesn’t factor. It doesn’t register as something I should be wanting and I think that’s something that throws people off about me.
I like babies, I just don’t want any, is that okay? I also don’t want them to stick around for ages because… I don’t know how to communicate with them, especially when they’re not mine, but going back to the point even if they were mine I’d feel that I’d somehow screw them up with the wrong decision. I just… kids man, how do they work.