have some of my pre-sick face. Well, it was literally like two hours before I got really sick and started my slow decline into being ridiculously sore-throaty, cough up a lungy sick. So… y’know… that and I’m broken out around my mouth. rawrface.

Love and Emotion.

You talk about things like they matter; you speak of love and companionship like you could ever fathom the loss of something that meant everything to you. You like to think you’ve got it all figured out, that one true love and how it should be, and how it’s always magic and perfect and you’re never angry and everything will always be smiles.

And then you watch someone lose the light of their life, you watch a man speak of a woman as if he didn’t just lose her, but lost his world. You hear him talk of her like she was an angel even though you know they often wanted to tear their own hair out in the company of one another. You understand then that all the love you have ever begun to feel in your life will never compare to what they had in their years together.

It gives you hope for an idea of love where someone can frustrate you, make you smile, drive you crazy, and still be the only thing that matters at the end of the day. You can go from screaming at each other, to sliding a hand across the space between to just touch the hand of someone you love and know that they love you too regardless of what happened a few hours, minutes, SECONDS previous to that.

I’ve seen the face of true love, and I’ve seen it broken… and it will never recover, there is a rift that will never be filled, but I will bridge it, I will hold him together because he needs me to.

So please, come at me again about what true love is so I can quash you.

Think like a penguin


I spent a good half an hour laughing at this last night, because as a penguiny person, I can absolutely understand the internal dialogue in that penguin’s head.

Penguin: Huh, that’s pretty far down, maybe I’ll just go back.
*goes to turn… foot slips.*

Gonna go be penguiny in this corner over here.

Walking with Heroes

Usually when someone’s thirtieth birthday comes around they reflect on what they’ve accomplished in their life, and reasses their goals.

As someone aimless, directionless, and generally unaccomplished, that kind of post would be so ridiculously depressing as to cause more issues than it would solve them.  It would shine a light on the dark recesses of my life where things don’t exist in any concrete way and instead are just a thirty year string of vague experiences to build me into the person I am, which at times is so questionable that I honestly wonder how formed I am at all.

Instead, it seemed a better time to focus on the things that I do have in my life that matter – namely my friends – and explain just how amazingly blessed someone can be by such a thing.  I’m not talking in a ‘God led them to me’ sense, but in the sense that I managed to find people who so complete me as to make what meager existence I manage to eke out every year seem just a bit more tolerable.

I walk with heroes, and not in the traditional sense.  They aren’t curing cancer or saving damsels in distress (often), nor do they wear capes or have fancy logos, but they’re heroes all the same.  In a world where people are content with being mediocre and only caring about themselves, these people excel – not only do they excel, they push others to excel as well to the point where just being around them shrouds you in a cloud of good feelings so powerful you honestly can see a light at the end of the tunnel, or chasm, or whatever it is you’re trudging through.

People come into their lives and easily pass them over, not because they’re unremarkable, but because they don’t insist upon themselves.  They write beautiful things, and say things that are intelligent, and because they’re not throwing out ten cent phrases or ten dollar words, they’re passed over.

I walk with heroes, do you understand how weird that is for me? To know I’m surrounded by such amazing people – even if only a few – and to know that they think the same of me? That I can exist in a world where these people care enough about me to make an effort to stay in my life? That I matter… I matter to people who I think should belong to the world, but the world won’t see them.

They may never be famous – though it’s a shame they’re not – and they may never be accepted by the world, but I know that it’s a better place with them in it.

This is what I’ve managed by the time I reached thirty.  I managed to garner a few close friends so amazing that if the world came to an end around us, as long as I had them I would be completely fine with that.  How weird is that?

I walk with heroes.

Really Close Friends


Everyone has friends, and no matter what people say, even if they think they don’t… they have friends. They might not have the friends they want, but they’ve got people out there who care about them.

And then you’ve got your best friends, those people who you talk to every day if at all possible and can’t imagine your life without. It’s like having a boyfriend or girlfriend without having the emotional ties of sex and such being put into it. It’s not always ideal for some people – some people fall so stupidly in love with their best friends that it becomes difficult to function around them – but generally best friends are the exception to the statement that pops up every once in a while in everyone’s life of: I hate everyone, go away.

I have very few of these friends, and even when I need time alone I’ll try to work them into my schedule. Three of them come to mind but names don’t need to be named because only one of them really reads this blog and he’ll know damn well he’s included.

What I’m getting at is the statement made in the picture in this post will always hold true to these people. You’ve made your way inside of me – in a nonsexual way, hurdur – and are likely never to be rooted out. I know none of the people mentioned really need that affirmation or reassurance, but it makes me feel better to let the world know, I guess.

You’re loved. I love you. I will always love you. Don’t go away, please.