I had every intention to join Talen Lee this year in doing something constructive with my blog. Writing a short story to form a larger collective of stories, and even try to collect my thoughts in such a way as to review games.
Last year he finished his story without fail and even got started on his game reviewing, and this year he’s been on schedule pretty hardcore and awesomely, and yet here I am and I couldn’t even make it a week?
I wonder sometimes if I’m just afraid of the idea of failure or if I seriously avoid these things because of the idea of the work and commitment it takes.
I know, in the end, reading reviews of games by me wouldn’t provide anything constructive because I wouldn’t be discussing pros and cons in any real way, but instead ranting about little things I liked – and while that’s fine and dandy, no one’s going to read it, and if you’re not writing to be read, what are you doing?
We had a discussion recently about doing things that you like in writing, things that you will enjoy and love to take part in, but at the same time, I argued, others have to enjoy it as well. He didn’t disagree, but apparently there’s a point in some people’s lives where they stop caring about if people are enjoying what they write and instead just write to sate themselves.
This, of course, makes me think of the Aglows of the world, and yeah if she comes by here and sees that, stuff it, I don’t care. It’s fine if she wants to write that and people around her enjoy it, but I don’t think she has ever once written something purely for the enjoyment of another person, or even with their enjoyment paramount to her own – it doesn’t make her selfish, per se, but it doesn’t really make her someone I’d want to be around, either.
I have people around me that do write for the enjoyment of others — sometimes to a fault, you know who you are, and I love you for it, but stop — and it’s not good to put what you want behind the wants of others, but you should at least consider this: Is what I’m writing giving anything to anyone, and if not, why am I making it public?
So I wonder if, even writing this, I’m afraid that I’ve hit the point where I’m not writing things people enjoy, and know it deep down and am trying to curb myself, or if maybe I really am just afraid of the failure that comes with writing something you want people to enjoy but then they do not.
(as I went to put this into categories I realised I didn’t even have a writing category, if that explains it any further, heh.)