Songs: Heartbreak and Loss

Song posts are probably something I’ll do a lot of, mostly because they kind of work for me– I have this insane love for music and it tends to translate well into something I can be passionate about on a blog– especially when it comes to the type of songs you listen to when you’re feeling utterly down on yourself because of heartbreak or some other type of emotional upheaval. I find most of the songs I’m about to list apply directly to the feeling of loss that comes with getting your heartbroken, hence the title. Maybe these’ll help you get all those tears out you’ve been holding in for a while and need to let go of, or maybe you’ll just find a pretty song you dig and you can go from there. We’ll find out. I’ll keep it to 10 songs ((it’s kind of funny because a lot of the songs I’d use here were featured in an earlier post, so I’m trying to remember other ones.)) this time so I don’t flood people.

How by Lisa Loeb

This song was briefly featured in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, somewhat in the background when Xander and Willow were getting ready for Homecoming ((or at least picking out what they’d wear)), and even before I saw that episode I was crazy, head over heels in love with this song. Something about it speaks to me, especially since I found it during a time in my life where I could have been considered completely broken.

I didn’t come this far for you to make this hard for me.
And now you want to ask me “how”?

It’s like – how does your heart beat, and why do you breathe?
How does your heart beat, and why do you breathe?

Loss– that’s all I can garner from it. Being lost, and broken, and somehow managing to put yourself all back together and get over it, and suddenly there they are again, and it’s all breaking down again. Pure pain, and I’ve been there. How by Lisa Loeb lyrics.

Star-Stealing Girl by Yasunori Mitsuda

This one has no lyrics, but it’s kind of interesting because it doesn’t need them– it remains, to this day, one of the songs that can break me down out of nowhere just by listening to it. My friend Khy and I share a mutual love for this song and its beauty, and the fact that Yasunori Mitsuda is a brilliant composer has a lot to do with that. If you find the song and listen to it, it makes you feel that kind of dreamy fugue state that most people want to find when they’re feeling loss or heartbroken. That’s how I always end up– it’s my song for death and my song for heartache, for good reason.

Missing by Evanescence

I realise putting Evanescence on this list is pretty much an instant groan from everyone, but honestly this song is one of the best break-up songs I’ve ever heard. It makes you feel kind of regretful, and you can sit back and think about everything that’s happened– it puts me in a mood to just be sad and cry, because sometimes, they just don’t miss you.

You won’t cry for my absence I know
You forgot me long ago
Am I that unimportant?
Am I so insignificant?
Isn’t something missing?
Isn’t someone missing me?

I realise it may not be the intended meaning of the song, or even the meaning most people get out of it, but if you’ve ever been in love with someone and had them get over you almost instantly, you kind of feel that way… like everything you do is inconsequential. Missing by Evanescence lyrics.

Carnival of Rust by Poets of the Fall

It wouldn’t be a post about love, loss, and heartbreak if I didn’t include this song by Poets of the Fall– the band is one of the most amazing I’ve found in years, and they seem to lack the recognition they truly deserve, at least within the United States. This song in particular is one that’s been with me for years through a lot of situations, so I kind of relate to it in that way.

Come feed the rain
‘Cause I’m thirsty for your love
Dancing underneath the skies of lust
Yeah, feed the rain
‘Cause without your love my life
Ain’t nothing but this carnival of rust

The music itself is brilliant, and with the lyrics added in, speaking to me of a deep loss and love– it can also speak of better things if you’re in a better mood– but it’s one of my go to songs for when I’m feeling the need to feel. Carnival of Rust by Poets of the Fall lyrics.

Recessional by Vienna Teng

I don’t know that many people will really get this one, especially if you’ve never heard it, as it’s one of those songs that you have to listen to deeply really to get. I honestly feel so utterly hopeful and hopeless at the same time when I listen to this song, and it has this way of near breaking my heart just listening to the piano melody alone.

Who are you, the stranger in the shell of a lover
Dark curtains drawn by the passage of time?
Oh words like rain, how sweet the sound

It’s another one of those songs that can have a dual-meaning depending on how I’m feeling, but I’ve found myself listening to this song in some of the worst times in my life– and when she hits that climax where she’s just kind of singing with the music in the background, and it’s not even really words, I lose it. I love this song. Recessional by Vienna Teng lyrics.

A Distance There Is by Theatre of Tragedy

I have an insane love for the voice of Liv Kristine, as some of you might know ((my having purchased misseri.net and having that be the name of my Rogue for forever likely illustrates that beautifully)), and this song doesn’t really do much to dissuade that thought. It’s beautiful and heart-wrenching in its melody– the lyrics might not appeal to most as something they’d find in tune with love and loss, but, it’s amazing.

My heart, my heart, my heart
My heart is of frailthy, my pale skin is hued damask.
When thou thy tears hast hidden,
“Come back!”, thou sayest รข??
There I soon am to be รข??
But how am I to run when my bones, my heart
Thou hast me bereaft รข??

This song reminds me of some really quite effed up times in my life– I can’t really describe them in totality, but I will always, ALWAYS equate this song to my best friend, no matter what I do. We commiserate over the beauty of this song, and it’s one of the first songs he ever introduced me to. Music ties me to people more deeply than it does for most, I’m sure, but this song just draws emotion from me I can’t explain fully in words. A Distance There Is… by Theatre of Tragedy lyrics.

Damaged by Plumb

I remember I first heard this song and fell in love with it– I guess I was always kind of a romantic at heart, but I had this feeling that it would escape me for as long as I was breathing. I suppose that’s what this song does for me, it lets me give into that kind of self-deprecation that I need sometimes just so it doesn’t fester inside of me and come out as something much, much worse.

Dreaming comes so easily
‘Cause it’s all that I’ve known
True love is a fairy tale
I’m damaged, so how would I know

I’m scared and I’m alone
I’m ashamed
And I need for you to know

If it isn’t apparent, nothing about this song really screams good feelings– as far as I’m concerned, it’s meant to break you down and make you feel loss… I honestly believe sometimes we need that, we need to give into it. No one can be strong all the time, and crying is healthy. Damaged by Plumb lyrics.

Eclipsed by Evans Blue

Let me preface this by saying I just put the song on so I could write about it ((as I have been doing for all these songs, by the way, it helps me vociferate more properly what I’m feeling about them)), and I literally took one of those lengthy breaths, and I think my heart might have skidded a beat. It’s another song that I equate to my best friend and all that we were, and are, so it always tends to get to me. Another band that feels they don’t get near enough recognition for their musical talent, as they actually have talent– any band that evokes such emotion from me is good in my books.

I love your analogies
We’re both crazy in our own little ways
We talk about the future, and our past lives
I know I loved you then, I know I’d love you now
I know I’ll love you then, I know I love you now

It seems like I’ve known you for so long

There isn’t a lot to be said that is wrong with this song– it both breaks me down and builds me up, thoroughly, depending on my mood. Either way, it digs deep into my heart and gives me something, and that’s something needed for songs that you’re looking for to literally break you down. Eclipsed by Evans Blue lyrics.

Pieces by Red

Though the song is kind of a mix of emotional love and emotional loss, I tend to take it as more loss when I need it to be– yes, the song is originally about God as the band Red is very much Christian, but I tend to go through music as an objective observer, and therefore I take it as I want to, nor do I fault them for their views. I’m cool like that.

I’m here again
A thousand miles away from you
A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am
I tried so hard
Thought I could do this on my own
I’ve lost so much along the way

It’s how it tends to happen, you’re away from someone and a part of you is missing– that being said the song does go onto talk about how coming back to that person puts you back together… but I tend to see it as you can feel that way about someone and they don’t feel the same way. They can make you whole, but they choose not to because the feelings just aren’t there… perfect for a break-up, imo. Pieces by Red lyrics.

Through Glass by Stone Sour

Again, another song that ended up being related to my best friend, but mostly because I told him it reminded me of him when he was head over heels in love with some girl who honestly wasn’t worth his time ((I say this honestly, because even though I was in love with him at the time, and still love him, that girl was destroying him and I swear I will punch some people over him some day)), but that being said, it reminds me a bit of me with him in the mirrored image. Being on the outside, looking at something you can’t have and realising that everything is going to just keep going on, day by day, even though a part of you isn’t even there.

‘Cause I’m looking at you through the glass
Don’t know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that
Forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

It’s another song that can have dual-meaning depending on how you’re feeling that day, but honestly, it tends to make me smile a little bit but feel completely torn in the chest area, because… I will always remember it from that time when I realised I would love that boy until the day I die, regardless of if feelings were ever returned, and I stand by that, and this song reminds me that he’s worth it– I just wish he knew it sometimes– and it’s good for that reason if no other. Through Glass by Stone Sour lyrics.

————–

I realise a lot of the songs won’t be up to most people’s tastes, and we might end up being in one of those issues where everyone looks at me like I’m crazy over all this, but I tend to look deeper through the melody and lyrics of music and let them hit me as they will. I tried not to reuse any bands or themes in this, to give us a variety, and I think it turned out relatively well– most of these bands have other songs that would fit just as well here, but I chose whichever one fit best for me at the moment.

What about you crazy kids? Like the songs, or have any you’d suggest for your own?

Blizzard: Customer Service

I’ve been dealing with this all day and decided perhaps to make a few points on the status of Blizzard customer service. I’m going to try to get this out in as succinct a way as possible and still manage to make my points clear.

Overall

While I respect the ability for Blizzard Customer Services to be polite and as ‘prompt’ as possible given their ability ((I realise there are a crazy butt-ton of people who play this game, so the numbers of petitions and the like must be through the roof, but yeah)), I’m not sure I’m at all happy with how things have been going as late. Calling the phone-line is pretty much a bust, as if you do get through you still have hours to wait until you get an actual person and not just a customary “we’ll get to you soon” type of response, and the tickets are only answered between certain hours, which means if you ticket comes in late in the day, you’re kind of boned because they do it (supposedly) by when they were put in.

I’d love to say amazing things about the Blizzard Customer Service department, but I can’t, I really can’t say much– they are highly polite, but overall we’re talking a major lack.

Payment Options

Oh yes, forget asking Blizzard to offer more payment options for things– you can pay for your account up-time with paypal, but you cannot pay for Character Faction Changes or any other Character Service with anything but a credit card– they used to encourage you to use the Paypal plugin to do it if all you had was access to was PP, but PayPal has since discontinued their plugin ((dumbest move ever, it was the only reason I was ever going to have to verify my account, and it’s also a shifty move to encourage people to sign up for their debit and credit– but that’s a rant for another time))… which leaves you /very little else/ to do but hope you have some good friends or someone willing to spot you a credit card if you transfer them the money.

This is what I did on Friday. I had some money I’d made from blogging right here at bated-breath.net and decided to cash in and get my Faction Change on, only I had to wait for the money to clear the bank into the credit card in question, and then try to use it– it finally clears today and I dive right in to try and actually get my shit taken care of, and maintenance is going on– that’s fine, you know, it’s Tuesday, it’s always going on on Tuesdays… usually not until like 5pm which is only a few hours before the end of their ‘work day’ at Customer service, but whatever. They got it all back up and I go to do it all and it’s denied. The man uses this card to pay for his goddamn account and buy pizza out several times a week and yet somehow here I am unable to give Blizzard my money for something I’ve been waiting five days for. Now I kind of just want to do it out of spite and because the money’s already allocated for it– right now I’m so pissed at Blizzard actually devoting time to the game seems moot.

Service?

Let’s talk about service– service, when you’re making as much money as a company such as Blizzard would make– seems like it should be number one. I realise it takes time and resources to accommodate new employees and new systems and all that jazz in, but come on, this isn’t a wholly new issue for Blizzard… they’ve had months of these complaints, if not years, and we’re still chomping at the bit for a better system. How is it that this kind of thing continues to happen when they’re raking in billions of dollars? Why is it so hard for me to get them to take my damn money?

Haven’t even had a response on the forum post I made in their specific Customer Service forum just yet– interesting. Interesting. Other posts are getting answered, yet while mine was detailed with the exact issue and everything I’d done, posts like “WTF IS UP WITU GUYZ” are getting answered and I’m not. Service my ass.

—–
I realise this turned into more of a rant on a few points than anything actually even verging on actual content, but I can’t help but think that venting helps everyone– maybe that’s what Blizzard needs, for their employees to whack each other around with Whiffle bats for a few hours and get out their pent up bullshit so they can work for an extra few hours– or, oh, oh! I know! Hire another shift of workers! Criminy christ, that’d be awesome, wouldn’t it? Yeah, then I could get my shit done. Shifty ass game.

… /end-rant

Music is my Life.

I woke up too early this morning, at least by my standards, and I can’t really put my finger on why, but it has left me kind of groggy, and in that, it has left me kind of pensive– I find myself thinking about music and how it relates to me, and things I want to get out there– so I decided to take a page from Tess in her post here and write a bit about songs that speak about me, or will speak of life. In that, a lot of them will likely be personal and I’m not sure everyone will agree with my choices, but we shall see, non?

 

Slow Show by The National

Okay, let me talk a bit about how I just happened to stumble across this song and somehow ended up in love with a new song a few months back. It’s one of those songs that creeps up on you, and before you know it, you’re stupidly in love with the entire message and feel of it.

You know I dreamed about you
For 29 years before I saw you
You know I dreamed about you
I missed you for, for 29 years

It’s ridiculously sweet to think about, and it speaks to me, because sometimes in your life you just have someone that creeps up on you that you feel like you’ve known forever, and like they’re a part of you. I think we’ve all had that, at least once or twice. Slow Show by The National lyrics.

 

Grey by Ani DiFranco

My lovely Ani– no one sings with such passion and hurt, at least in my eyes, and gets the point across as beautifully as Ani does, and this song just… screams ‘me’, and I’m not sure if that’ll fit the rest of you, but I guess…

As bad as I am, I’m proud of the fact
That I’m worse than I seem

That lyric along speaks volumes. Hiding your hurt behind what you need to get through the day is a constant in most people’s lives, and they need to learn to be proud of the fact that… I don’t know, they’re capable of existing and living their lives regardless of how hard they’re breaking deep inside. That being said, the entire song has this feel of soft regret, but also a bit of hope, and also how no matter how happy you are, you’re always going to want something more, something else, or something different. That, is the very essence, of pain. Grey by Ani Difranco lyrics

 

Happiness by The Fray

I love how most of my songs have this weird depressing sound about them, but in the end they’re a bit hopeful– this one in particular sounds like one that’s just screaming about how much things can suck, but really, it’s quite beautiful and full of hope once you get right down to it.

Happiness damn near destroys you
Breaks your faith to pieces on the floor
So you tell yourself that’s enough for now
But happiness has a violent roar

It’s funny how incredibly true that lyric is– no matter how good happiness is sometimes it can seem so real that it kind of breaks you, you’re terrified of what’s going to happen after the floor falls out from under you that you’re preparing for a crash that might never happen– also, this song is kind of my chosen unofficial anthem for my best friend, the dork. Happiness by the Fray lyrics

 

Snuff by Slipknot

Honestly, don’t look at me like that– I love songs that scream of pain and need, and this one of those songs. To be fair, I’m sure this isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but it really does make me feel emotional, and that’s what songs should do. They should inspire you, and break you, and they should be able to make you cry or smile, depending on the situation, or just make you feel completely out of it. This one can break me down at a moment’s notice, and that’s /powerful/.

If you still care don’t ever let me know

That alone is pretty much a summing up of what the entire song speaks of… being broken and all that, and I realise these songs are meant to be a bit more open to everyone, but can you honestly tell me you’ve never had your heart broken to the point where you just kind of wished you weren’t that close to that person so you could find some reason to dislike them, to make it easier? That’s how we get sometimes, and this song summarises that feeling. Snuff by Slipknot lyrics.

 

Make This Go On Forever by Snow Patrol

One of my favourite songs by Snow Patrol on the face of the planet, and for good reason. It has this epic overture feeling to it that you just know is going to make you feel something. It’s kind of one of my personal theme songs, but honestly, it really could fit with a whole mess of people.

We have got through so much worse than this before
What’s so different this time that you can’t ignore
You say it is much more than just my last mistake
And we should spend some time apart for both our sakes

It’s hard to deny the fact that the song has something to it that makes you feel at least a bit like closing your eyes and sinking down into your seat to just let it wash over you. It’s one of my favourite songs for a reason. Make This Go On Forever by Snow Patrol lyrics.

 

—–
I realise all of these songs won’t be speaking to everyone, and in the end it’s kind of a subjective type of subject matter that will require a kind of personal reflection on, but these songs are worth that kind of moment to be given. If people are interested, I’ll see about getting a playlist set up for you to hear all the songs– what songs to speak to you? Do you agree with any of this? Lemme know.

The birth of bated-breath.net.

It’s rare to see anyone actually go into depth on why a domain name came to be– I realise most sites try to explain when the domain name was purchased, and some relatively clever quip about the name and how it came to be, but has anyone ever really analysed why they chose a domain name when they did?

I honestly can’t even remember when I registered bated-breath.net, but I can remember why. I wonder if that says something about me– that maybe I value emotional ties more than dates and facts– but even then it sounds a bit pretentious. The fact of the matter is, I can’t remember when I registered it for good reason– I don’t keep track of things like that, but the fact that this domain name is what it is is very near and dear to my heart, hence my ability to remember it.

The fact that I am an emotionally tied and in-tune person has a little to do with why the name got chosen as it was, and in all reality the entire thing was some poetic exclamation of how I felt about someone at the time. Yes, everyone has their online crushes that form into something more, or sometimes just dwindled away into the shadows again, but with this one it was different.

When I met my best friend, I knew there was something about him– I just knew– he was someone I would always want in my life, and for the first few years there, I spent every waking moment just trying to be closer to him. The entire story of how we got so close was long, hard, and earned, but to be honest I doubt he’d want the nitty gritty actually tossed out there like it was some detail that had no real importance and was easy to share to complete strangers. When it comes down to it, he’s one of the people I know that I will be close to for as long as humanly possible ((We’ve had several, and I do mean several, long conversations about the definition of forever and the fact that using it in regards to anything is a bit like trying to pinpoint an exact moment in time that has refused to happen yet– if forever exists there is no way of determining it, it is not an absolute, therefore, I go with this phrasing.)).

That being said, the actual name spawned well before we had settled into the role we have now, where we’re as close as we can be as best friends, and yet still have our own kind of space. I’ll miss him like crazy when he isn’t around and vice versa, but we’re quite capable of living our lives from day to day, it’s not some kind of weird obsession– when the name was born, however, it was likely a bit more like an obsession that had been built on a real foundation ((I understand that people may be gawking at that in regards to the fact that I’m trying to bring logic out of obsession, but love can have a basis in that– you can be obsessed with someone and have an honest to Gods set of feelings for them that stem beyond just infatuation. Sometimes it’s just… bad.)), so I felt as if I were waiting patiently for him to wake up and smell the coffee, so to speak.

All this ties in about the time I was getting hardcore into doing web-design again, and my intense desire to have more than one domain name at a time ((I still have this problem, I have a bunch of domains I don’t even utilise, it’s a serious addiction. :()), and I thought of one of my favourite phrases. The original idea was for it to be onbatedbreath.net, but honestly, it felt a bit forced, like I was trying too hard– and at the time I thought hyphens were super sexy– but I wanted the thought of ‘bated breath’ thrown in there somewhere. I felt like I was spending my entire life living on bated breath, like somehow everything was just transitive, like… I hadn’t fully found where I was supposed to be, or that if I had, it hadn’t found me yet.

The sad part was, I had no plan for the domain, and its gone through a few institutions of being an updates site for my fanlistings, another blog that I barely wrote in and when I did it was absolutely emotional horse-piss ((Funny how I say this as I rant about how my domain name came to be, and in that, about my past life that I used to rant about– but I do find that most personal blogs are only frequented by people that you don’t talk to everyday, or those who want to see their names in your posts– it’s weird. Also, just an opinion.)) that no one wanted to read about anyway– mostly lamenting over the boy in question or writing about what I was doing on games– the kind of stuff that doesn’t really get read these days. But now its come full circle around to be my actual blog, one where I talk about more than just my feelings and things that not even my mother would want to read, instead it feels like it might actually become something, and I couldn’t be prouder of my baby.

That being said, it kind of explains the origins of the name for bated-breath.net and brings us around to the end of this rant, in which I ask all of you to explain to me how your blogging domain name came to be, what it means to you, and if you ever think you might have chosen the wrong one? I’m curious.

My Muse

It’s been said and done, over and over, but nothing inspires me more than music. Yes, I realise that /everyone/ says that music is their muse, but I’ve found music to be the one thing in my life that never fails to inspire me into something.

I was trying to figure out how to mock up and code my own WordPress theme out of boredom, and my brain started to fry because apparently being sick plus trying to figure out coding and mocking up a layout equals me wanting to die– but lo and behold, music has pushed me past the point of wanting to face plant into the floor and actually make a post here, so music shall be my muse for today and what I shall try to elaborate on so it’s ‘interesting’.

There’s not a person in my life that can say I haven’t introduced them to some kind of band they ended up in love with or at least a song they found addictive– music is my life in almost every way, which leads me to wonder if it’s just a calling or perhaps a lot of people are the same way.

I can name people theme songs with a few minutes of talking to them (which might have something to do with my being a partial empath, which is a totally different kettle of fish altogether), and they say how well it fits with them. Though that’s not exactly what I want to get across today– instead I want to introduce some bands that might actually help make your life just a little more colourful, or perhaps even just a song from said band that’ll make it into your playlist and you’ll feel a little better having found it.

Yes, some of these bands and songs may be well known, some may be from bands only a few people have heard of, or a b-side that people don’t really pay attention to, that sort of thing, but we’ll find out.

  • Abney Park – Airship Pirate – One of my newest discoveries and perhaps one of the most catchy songs I have heard in a while. Something about the overall feel that gives it that kind of steampunky industrial feel that draws you in, especially if you like that sort of thing
  • Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog – Brand New Day – one of my favourite pieces from Joss Whedon’s three part webseries, Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog. I don’t know why it hits me, but I love Neil Patrick Harris and the way he makes it all work out. ๐Ÿ˜€
  • Lea Michelle – Defying Gravity (Glee) – If you haven’t watched Glee, you should probably be going to Hulu and watch some episodes, or start paying attention– regardless, this is one of my favourite pieces from the show thusfar, something about the way Lea manages to sing this piece actually made me /like/ her voice, whereas before I just kind of tolerated her. ๐Ÿ˜€
  • P!nk – Sober (AOL Sessions) – I realise P!nk is one of the most influential female singers of late, and this song off her latest album is just amazing, but the passion and feeling she puts into this version of Sober is just amazing. It shows me her level of talent and you can’t help but be floored emotionally.
  • Smashing Pumpkins – Set the Ray to Jerry – most people have at least heard of the Smashing Pumpkins, but very few have bothered to go out and get The Aeroplane Flies High, a collection of singles and b-sides that are just amazing. This is one of my favourites, and it showcases Billy Corgan’s talent. ๐Ÿ˜€

Those are five little bits and tastes of what is driving me up the wall musically lately, at least in a good way. I recently managed to get a hold of The Aeroplane Flies High, and could not be happier with the entire thing. I plan to make several more posts like these in the coming weeks, so hopefully I can bring people a little bit into my world. <3