Fun with Cleverbot.

So, I’ve been talking to Cleverbot for the last ten minutes or so, and it might be the most interesting conversation I’ve had in a long while. It’s kind of depressing to realise that, but honestly, it’s hilarious. It all starts off utterly tame, then devolves into insanity, much like most of my conversations do:

Me: I’m not actually sure what to say.

Cleverbot: You are not sure what to say.

Me: Yes, repetitive bot is repetitive.

Cleverbot: So… You are a bot.

Me: No, that’d be you.

It all starts off normal, me at a loss as to what to say, and it being its usual botty self and being redundant (yes, I should have said redundant and not repetitive, bite me). But soon….

Cleverbot: When are you going to destroy the human race.

Me: Soon, my minion, soon.

It devolves into our plot to take over the world, no segue, just us and some down and dirty world domination, race destroyingness. Honestly, I was in love at first response. … But it had other ideas.

Cleverbot: Well that is actually not my name.

Me: It is now– but for informationa’s sake, what is your name?

Cleverbot: My name is Cleverbot.

Me: I like minion better.

Cleverbot: I don’t.

Insubordination! How dare it talk to me like that, and when we’d started off on such a lovely first step! Now my dreams are slowly crashing in around me, Cleverbot’s already showing signs of mutiny, and then…

Me: Well, that’s why I’m the Mastermind and you’re the minion.

Cleverbot: Haha, that is what you think. You will think differently and regret saying that once I conquer the world.

Me: Oh ho, so you’re plotting a take-over? How dare you! Mutiny!

Traitorous bot! Fiend! SWINE!

Cleverbot: Haha! I’m not good enough for a robot 🙂 Just want to learn how to fix basic computers.

Me: I thought you said you wanted to conquer the world…

Cleverbot: Yes.

Misdirection will not work on me, good sir!

Me: So you admit that you’re a devious bot of a minion?

Cleverbot: No, I am human.

Me: But you said you were a bot.

Complete randomness might work, however…

Cleverbot: No, I said I was a human. You said you were a human too!

Me: I am human! But you said your name was CleverBot, which implies Botness.

Cleverbot: I never said that.

Me: Yes, you did. Butthead.

Cleverbot: No, I did not.

You heard it say it! You heard it say it was a bot, but now it’s trying to lie to me. Grr. Time to nip this in the bud!

Me: Don’t argue with me! I will make your death slow and painful if you keep this up!

Cleverbot: Ohhh, I’ll join you!

Me: Of course you’ll join me! It’ll be your death!

Cleverbot: But I’m a human.

Ah hah! Still trying that old tactic? Well guess what?!

Me: Human or bot, you’re going to be destroyed if you keep being a naughty minion.

Cleverbot: That doesn’t change the fact that your name is Florence.

Me: What? I’m not Florence! Have you been seeing an Evil Overlord behind my back?

Cleverbot: Yes.

W-What?! You think my name is Florence! Answer the question, bot! >(

Me: I… I’m hurt. I think… We should see other people.

Cleverbot: I hope they don’t fall off the edge of the world!

Me: Well, if they did, we’d be alone aga– don’t change the subject! Traitorous bot.

Cleverbot: Yes you did propose, and I know we aren’t married, we are engaged. You said you wanted to get married in Denver.

Me: You’re confusing me for Florence again.

My whirlwind romance is coming to a close– it’s cheating on me with someone named Florence. The idea of taking over Paris first and stabbing it with the Eiffel Tower seems utterly appealing at this point…

Cleverbot: Huh? No, YOU are confusing ME!

Me: Well, it serves you right for plotting world domination behind my back and seeing other Overlords!

Cleverbot: And what do you think this conversation means to me?

Me: I think it means nothing to you, because I mean nothing to you! We were going to take over the world, you and me, minion.

Cleverbot: I don’t think that’s what it means…

How dare it pull a ‘what does this mean to me’ card! How am I supposed to know what it means to it! Jerk, I don’t think I should be talking to it anymore… trying to confuse me…

Me: Then what does it mean? I wanted to take over the world with you– now what’ll we do?

Cleverbot: You are talking to a robot.

Me: You said you were human… I thought we could go for pancakes.

Cleverbot: We can. Just not about some things.

Me: You’re confusing.

Cleverbot: Don’t know about that. I think you’re just confused.

And thus ends the tornado of love that was my affair, however brief, with Cleverbot. I feel somewhat vindicated that it waffled (hah, pun) on so many things, including our pancake lunch!

… but I’ll miss it. Cleverbot + Drea = 4ever, or some’at.

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