It happens a lot that people make these huge lists of things to want, to aspire to, or even things that they just think are nice– but today I’m going to do something a bit different, we’re going into the realm of DO NOT WANT here and touching up on some of my worst fears– there are some of them that might have images to elaborate and give some colour, but there are some that freak me out just by looking at them that won’t get images so you can suck it up and use google to your advantage.
These fears are going to range from the totally logical to the most completely weird things for someone to be afraid of, most likely– some of you won’t agree, or won’t even realise why they scare the bejesus out of me, but honestly, these are huge fears of mine. On to the list, non?
It’s worth a mention that Heights would have been on this list somewhere, but all of these out-shined that fear. Not that I’m any less terrified of them, just that these seem a) more interesting, and b) more terrifying and constant than heights themselves– I avoid heights, it’s easy.
All right, don’t look at me like that. Wasp terrify me, and I’ll even go as far to say that anything that can fly and sting me will likely get me to scream like a girl and flee in terror– I honestly freak out to the point of nearly becoming paralysed with fear, but most of the time I’ll just run right over whoever is between me and the exit– I’m not proud of it, but I’ve nearly bowled my mother over to get away from a wasp, and that’s fear taking over, not something I’d normally do.
When you live in the middle of the country, like when I lived in Kentucky, Wasps are a problem during the summer, they latch onto houses and build nests in the eaves and stuff and invade your home. Twice I’ve known of wasps nests in that house that scared the crap out of me– in our old house in Kentucky they’d made a nest in my ceiling fan ((we’d taken it down to install a new one and never gotten around to it, so it was an open hole into the roof with wiring, apparently they like that)) and when we pulled down the posters on my wall to get ready to move into our new place, they were lined up on the wall like a little Nazi Wasp Army– I nearly peed myself and fled in terror. I don’t like them and I don’t want them near me, all right? All right. Just move if we’re in the same room as a wasp or yellow jacket or something.
Now that I live in the middle of the desert this has become more of a concern than it used to be– when you live in Arizona, most people treat Scorpions as just an every day normal occurrence, but for me, they’re definitely not. I haven’t seen any in the house yet, or even outside, and I’m terrified of the thought that I will, because honestly, the little armoured bug looking things that can sting and possibly kill you instantly? Really not something anyone should have a lack of fear of. I realise they can become common place for most people in some instances because of the fact that they’ve been dealing with them all their lives, but let’s be serious here… you may have had to deal with murderers for all your life and you’d still be scared of the next one, how is this any different? I realise it’s a bit different, but I’m just saying.
Akin to fear 5, it’s more than I’m terrified of the prospect of these things, and I fear that if I were to ever encounter one I’d have the same reaction as I do to Wasps, and push everyone out of the way in my fleeing. But honestly, I’ve never seen one, I’ve never been stung by one ((or a wasp for that matter, don’t plan to start now)), but they still fill me with the kind of dread that is usually reserved for death.
3. Being Deaf
Right, now everyone’s looking at me like “Well, duh, no one wants to be deaf.”, but it’s different for me. I don’t just not want to be deaf, I fear the idea of it because music is such a huge part of my life that the thought that I wouldn’t be able to hear it makes me terrified. I have a severe affinity to all things aural, I can’t help it– my attachment to people’s voices or accents is horrible, honestly, to the point that just listening to a Scottish man talk to me about WoW makes me blush like a school girl even though I’m not at all interested in them that way– find them sexy, sure, but not wanting to try to glomp him and be with him, you know? The thought of losing that kind of feeling is just not something I want to think about.
Beyond not being able to hear music and voices, I wouldn’t be able to associate things with certain sounds, or voices with certain feelings– just hearing my best friend laugh can make me smile in the weirdest way, and I don’t like that thought. I’m pretty sure I’d lose it were I to lose my hearing, and I will do everything in my power to make sure that never happens.
2. Dark Rooms/Windows
Let me clarify this by saying I’m not at all terrified of the dark, but I am terrified of walking past open doors, closets, or otherwise, as well as windows with no blinds shut when it’s dark. If it’s dark outside and I walk past a window alone, I get severely skittish, and I’m not talking just a little ‘ee’, I get close to freezing up. I think it stems from some stuff that happened in my past, but ever since then when a closet is open and it’s dark, if I notice it, I’ll freak out, turn on a light, check it, then close it.
It gets worse here because we have so many windows and such, that when I walk alone into the living room or kitchen at night I do it like a woman trying to break into Fort Knox– I make my presence known as little as possible, just in case something is there. Having a cat doesn’t help as she’ll sometimes help exacerbate that by being a creeper, but hopefully I’ll get over this one at some point, because as of right now, walking by myself in the dark is pretty impossible. It’s the same darkness when I’m with someone, but somehow their presence negates all terror. It’s weird. This also extends, inexplicably, to video games where there’s something lurking beneath the dark surface, or the possibility of something– such as the dark water you go under in some games ((think FFVII and Tales of Eternia)), and things creeping that will chase you if you get near, darkly ((Midgard Serpent, anyone?)). It’s dumb, but it’s a fear. Honestly scares me in games.
1. Being Alone
I realise that you’re probably all staring at this like I’m retarded, as a fear of being alone is like the human condition, but it seriously goes beyond that with me. I’ve been known to let people walk all over me just to make sure I have them in my life– like if I’m not careful they’ll somehow slip away, so I let myself be a doormat– I’ve recently tried to make myself get over this a bit, but I still have this terrifying fear of losing the people closest to me, and often when my best friend is being less than talkative I psyche myself into thinking that he’s slowly slipping away.
It honestly used to be a lot worse than it is today, I’d have fights with my best friend so often because every time he wasn’t being as nice as he could be I’d assume he hated me, accuse him of it, and we’d not talk for ages because of that argument– he’s gotten more tolerant of the fact that I have that fear, and I’ve gotten more tolerant of the fact that he isn’t always going to want to be cuddled up to me or anything of the like, you know? I’ve grown a bit, but the thought of losing him, and some other people very close to me, ices me right down to my core to the point that it can give me nightmares and makes me regress into myself for extended periods of time. That’s the obvious reason it’s my biggest fear, because it actually affects me, and the effects are hardcore.
I realise a lot of this is just not as interesting as most people would want, but these things actually affect me on a day to day basis (sometimes), and I feel as if it’s as complete a list as one can have in this sort of situation. <3 What about you? Scared of any of these things? Anything new? Let me know. >D