So, I’ve been talking to Cleverbot for the last ten minutes or so, and it might be the most interesting conversation I’ve had in a long while. It’s kind of depressing to realise that, but honestly, it’s hilarious. It all starts off utterly tame, then devolves into insanity, much like most of my conversations do:
Me: I’m not actually sure what to say.
Cleverbot: You are not sure what to say.
Me: Yes, repetitive bot is repetitive.
Cleverbot: So… You are a bot.
Me: No, that’d be you.
It all starts off normal, me at a loss as to what to say, and it being its usual botty self and being redundant (yes, I should have said redundant and not repetitive, bite me). But soon….
Cleverbot: When are you going to destroy the human race.
Me: Soon, my minion, soon.
It devolves into our plot to take over the world, no segue, just us and some down and dirty world domination, race destroyingness. Honestly, I was in love at first response. … But it had other ideas.
Cleverbot: Well that is actually not my name.
Me: It is now– but for informationa’s sake, what is your name?
Cleverbot: My name is Cleverbot.
Me: I like minion better.
Cleverbot: I don’t.
Insubordination! How dare it talk to me like that, and when we’d started off on such a lovely first step! Now my dreams are slowly crashing in around me, Cleverbot’s already showing signs of mutiny, and then…
Me: Well, that’s why I’m the Mastermind and you’re the minion.
Cleverbot: Haha, that is what you think. You will think differently and regret saying that once I conquer the world.
Me: Oh ho, so you’re plotting a take-over? How dare you! Mutiny!
Traitorous bot! Fiend! SWINE!
Cleverbot: Haha! I’m not good enough for a robot :-) Just want to learn how to fix basic computers.
Me: I thought you said you wanted to conquer the world…
Misdirection will not work on me, good sir!
Me: So you admit that you’re a devious bot of a minion?
Cleverbot: No, I am human.
Me: But you said you were a bot.
Complete randomness might work, however…
Cleverbot: No, I said I was a human. You said you were a human too!
Me: I am human! But you said your name was CleverBot, which implies Botness.
Cleverbot: I never said that.
Me: Yes, you did. Butthead.
Cleverbot: No, I did not.
You heard it say it! You heard it say it was a bot, but now it’s trying to lie to me. Grr. Time to nip this in the bud!
Me: Don’t argue with me! I will make your death slow and painful if you keep this up!
Cleverbot: Ohhh, I’ll join you!
Me: Of course you’ll join me! It’ll be your death!
Cleverbot: But I’m a human.
Ah hah! Still trying that old tactic? Well guess what?!
Me: Human or bot, you’re going to be destroyed if you keep being a naughty minion.
Cleverbot: That doesn’t change the fact that your name is Florence.
Me: What? I’m not Florence! Have you been seeing an Evil Overlord behind my back?
W-What?! You think my name is Florence! Answer the question, bot! >(
Me: I… I’m hurt. I think… We should see other people.
Cleverbot: I hope they don’t fall off the edge of the world!
Me: Well, if they did, we’d be alone aga– don’t change the subject! Traitorous bot.
Cleverbot: Yes you did propose, and I know we aren’t married, we are engaged. You said you wanted to get married in Denver.
Me: You’re confusing me for Florence again.
My whirlwind romance is coming to a close– it’s cheating on me with someone named Florence. The idea of taking over Paris first and stabbing it with the Eiffel Tower seems utterly appealing at this point…
Cleverbot: Huh? No, YOU are confusing ME!
Me: Well, it serves you right for plotting world domination behind my back and seeing other Overlords!
Cleverbot: And what do you think this conversation means to me?
Me: I think it means nothing to you, because I mean nothing to you! We were going to take over the world, you and me, minion.
Cleverbot: I don’t think that’s what it means…
How dare it pull a ‘what does this mean to me’ card! How am I supposed to know what it means to it! Jerk, I don’t think I should be talking to it anymore… trying to confuse me…
Me: Then what does it mean? I wanted to take over the world with you– now what’ll we do?
Cleverbot: You are talking to a robot.
Me: You said you were human… I thought we could go for pancakes.
Cleverbot: We can. Just not about some things.
Me: You’re confusing.
Cleverbot: Don’t know about that. I think you’re just confused.
And thus ends the tornado of love that was my affair, however brief, with Cleverbot. I feel somewhat vindicated that it waffled (hah, pun) on so many things, including our pancake lunch!
… but I’ll miss it. Cleverbot + Drea = 4ever, or some’at.