Artistic Expression (though not mine)

Mayuri Kotonoha

Art © Tovio Rogers

I’ve had a rough twenty-four hour period, and I am understanding that it is not as rough as some have had and even in the scheme of people experiencing the exact same feeling, mine is probably less valid because of circumstance, but it doesn’t make it any less assy.

The night before, I was in a stream with my good friend Tovio Rogers ( dA/FB/tumblr/twitter)as he was drawing up art like above for 15$ (this is not his usual rate, these are more stress release stream commissions, he is easily worth his regular rates though so hit him up) like a maniac, and kept deferring people to go ahead of me so they could see their art drawn live — everyone should get to do that once and it’s fairly amazing so I don’t mind waiting — and ended up getting mine the next day (which was last night.)

As he was finishing up another friend of mine’s piece, my boyfriend and I sort of mutually decided to call it for now, it wasn’t fair to him — or to me, as he says — that he wasn’t ready to be in that sort of relationship while I was very much ready and in love with him.  So I went from slight giddy to completely destroyed in moments.

There’s no hard feelings towards my ex, I’m just sad to have lost what I had, though I realise he and I will continue to be friends and someday — and yes I understand how toxic that sounds but it’s really not — it might work out.  We are what we are and we can only be honest.

It hasn’t changed that feeling of utter disappointment and crushing self-defeat I always feel when something crumbles in my hands, but I’m adult enough to know that if you love someone, especially enough to say that you were in love with them, acting like you can just let them go because the kissing portion of your relationship is over is ridiculous.

I’m an adult and I have adult relationships, but childish reactions to the end of them, in which I’m crying and snotty and completely and utterly broken.  I don’t think you ever really outgrow that feeling, either.  You will always sort of fall apart if something was worth having… it’s not like it was every time someone fucked me over in the past, when I was crying out of anger, it was literally mourning a piece of something that was now dead comparatively to the actual livelihood of our continued friendship.

That being said, I went from not knowing just what I wanted for Mayuri — my Au Ra OC from Final Fantasy XIV — to knowing that I wanted her drawn sad, and then in the Thavnairian Bustier… upon seeing the art Tovio did of her, I’m going to make some stylistic changes to her appearance to better match this art as she’s exactly what I wanted.

Sometimes an artist knows what you want better than you do, and because Tovio and I are good friends and he’s done so much art for me, he knew exactly what to do for me, and how to make my sadness into something beautiful.

Total Artgasm.

Dreams

My dreams are weird, and usually involve something completely off the wall and ridiculous, like the dozen or so times I’ve had real magic powers and still had to fake it in my dream, or when I had wings but they didn’t just allow me to fly I had to learn to work the muscles in my back and still only got a few feet before exhaustion, but sometimes they’re the most weird when they’re not weird at all.

Before I woke up this afternoon I had a dream that I… woke up this afternoon.  Almost exactly like how I actually woke up, though I’m sure there were some glaring, insane differences that I can’t recall now, but I remember sitting up, hitting my phone to see that it was 1 pm, feeling still tired and laying my head down on the opposite side of the bed as I was sleeping on and crashed out again saying I couldn’t get up just yet.

The weirder part is this dream followed another dream — prior to me waking up slightly and saying I’d roll over just one more time, as I always do — in which I was peeing and realised my period had started and was really fucking annoyed by the act of having to put on a pad and how obnoxious sleeping would be for a while because of it, especially having just gotten over that abscess.

Those two dreams in succession were easily the weirdest dreams I’ve had in ages because of how normal and uninteresting they were.  I started my period all crampy, annoyed, and then fell back asleep after checking the time.  It’s this sort of surreal, realistic dream that always leaves me feeling the most groggy all day.

Like yes, please, I need more reality in my reality and to repeat the mundane over and over again before I’m forced to do it in reality, thank you brain.

I wonder if it’s a sign of depression, but someone once told me if you’re depressed you don’t dream, or at least you don’t recall them… but I doubt there’s any real science behind that.  I’ll have to look it up at some point, but… it feels like the more normal a dream the worse it gets me.

Lately, interspersed in all the craziness and crazy-normal dreams, I have ones where my mom shows up and it’s great, but after a while I say something akin to ‘you shouldn’t be here‘ and I realise, in my dream, that’s she’s gone and it’s… emotionally draining and I sob in my dream but feel the physical effects when I wake up.

Dreams are really fucking weird…

Blizzard: Customer Service

I’ve been dealing with this all day and decided perhaps to make a few points on the status of Blizzard customer service. I’m going to try to get this out in as succinct a way as possible and still manage to make my points clear.

Overall

While I respect the ability for Blizzard Customer Services to be polite and as ‘prompt’ as possible given their ability ((I realise there are a crazy butt-ton of people who play this game, so the numbers of petitions and the like must be through the roof, but yeah)), I’m not sure I’m at all happy with how things have been going as late. Calling the phone-line is pretty much a bust, as if you do get through you still have hours to wait until you get an actual person and not just a customary “we’ll get to you soon” type of response, and the tickets are only answered between certain hours, which means if you ticket comes in late in the day, you’re kind of boned because they do it (supposedly) by when they were put in.

I’d love to say amazing things about the Blizzard Customer Service department, but I can’t, I really can’t say much– they are highly polite, but overall we’re talking a major lack.

Payment Options

Oh yes, forget asking Blizzard to offer more payment options for things– you can pay for your account up-time with paypal, but you cannot pay for Character Faction Changes or any other Character Service with anything but a credit card– they used to encourage you to use the Paypal plugin to do it if all you had was access to was PP, but PayPal has since discontinued their plugin ((dumbest move ever, it was the only reason I was ever going to have to verify my account, and it’s also a shifty move to encourage people to sign up for their debit and credit– but that’s a rant for another time))… which leaves you /very little else/ to do but hope you have some good friends or someone willing to spot you a credit card if you transfer them the money.

This is what I did on Friday. I had some money I’d made from blogging right here at bated-breath.net and decided to cash in and get my Faction Change on, only I had to wait for the money to clear the bank into the credit card in question, and then try to use it– it finally clears today and I dive right in to try and actually get my shit taken care of, and maintenance is going on– that’s fine, you know, it’s Tuesday, it’s always going on on Tuesdays… usually not until like 5pm which is only a few hours before the end of their ‘work day’ at Customer service, but whatever. They got it all back up and I go to do it all and it’s denied. The man uses this card to pay for his goddamn account and buy pizza out several times a week and yet somehow here I am unable to give Blizzard my money for something I’ve been waiting five days for. Now I kind of just want to do it out of spite and because the money’s already allocated for it– right now I’m so pissed at Blizzard actually devoting time to the game seems moot.

Service?

Let’s talk about service– service, when you’re making as much money as a company such as Blizzard would make– seems like it should be number one. I realise it takes time and resources to accommodate new employees and new systems and all that jazz in, but come on, this isn’t a wholly new issue for Blizzard… they’ve had months of these complaints, if not years, and we’re still chomping at the bit for a better system. How is it that this kind of thing continues to happen when they’re raking in billions of dollars? Why is it so hard for me to get them to take my damn money?

Haven’t even had a response on the forum post I made in their specific Customer Service forum just yet– interesting. Interesting. Other posts are getting answered, yet while mine was detailed with the exact issue and everything I’d done, posts like “WTF IS UP WITU GUYZ” are getting answered and I’m not. Service my ass.

—–
I realise this turned into more of a rant on a few points than anything actually even verging on actual content, but I can’t help but think that venting helps everyone– maybe that’s what Blizzard needs, for their employees to whack each other around with Whiffle bats for a few hours and get out their pent up bullshit so they can work for an extra few hours– or, oh, oh! I know! Hire another shift of workers! Criminy christ, that’d be awesome, wouldn’t it? Yeah, then I could get my shit done. Shifty ass game.

… /end-rant

Wenk Wenk